I’m super cereal

It’s an odd phenomenon, but like many US Presidents, cereal mascots possess a stunning tendency to have younger, more embarrassing siblings.

For instance, take Count Chocula – that now retired, though always wonderful, breakfast vampire who used to serve us choco-tastic meals in the morning. On the surface, Chocula was an inspirational tale about a young Romanian immigrant who, with nothing but hard work and gumption – yes, gumption – earned his MBA, ironically at the Kellogg School of Management. This young man transformed himself into an international sensation and model for all aspiring breakfast mascots.

Sadly, just like Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, and Jimmy Carter, Chocula has a rotten apple on the family tree.

Count Rockula is his younger, fatter, coke-addicted, drain on the family cereal trust. This soul patch sporting, spray tan toting, burn out, washed up rock star of a brother had one fucking hit in the 80s – I Want Your Milk On Me – which was a huge hit in certain circles, but he hasn’t done squat since. Not on the charts and not in life.

What a douche.

Count Chocula, Count Rockula, douche

This guy’s an idiot.

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