“It started off super positive, then it just got crazy” – Bill Hader
It took me far too long to connect the dots on this one …
We all remember the 2011 Stanley Cup riots in Vancouver, right? That fateful afternoon in BC, when the Canuck nation decided to show the world how cool they were by smashing their own city and putting a black eye on Vancouver’s sports culture for a little while?
Well, that had Canada in the news around the world … looking like total stereotypes of what every other nation on this planet perceives us as: a bunch of beer swilling hosers who take a children’s game much to seriously at times. And while I agree with this assessment nine times out of ten, it quickly took a turn for the lame last June.
Thanks for that, BC. I love having to explain that one to anyone I meet abroad when they find out I lived in Vancouver … No, I know, we’re not all like that. In fact, no one else really is … yes, we love hockey … no, I’m not a Canucks fan myself … I dunno, because they’re dumb …
After the Stanley Cup losers parade, Vancouver Police Chief Jim Chu refused to believe that the riot was caused by Vancouver’s own hockey culture and instead passed the buck to “criminals, thugs, and anarchists” in a statement that has since been proven wrong many times over, and came across as a blatant effort to cover his own ass. How could we have predicted that 100 000 people whose hopes and dreams – which had been overhyped and inflated ad-nauseam for the last several weeks – could possibly overreact and vent their frustrations through a Molson-fueled, mob-mentality uprising the minute those dreams were shattered?! It wasn’t a lack of preparation – it was the anarchists I tell you! The ANARCHISTS!
It’s always those anarchists trekking into town just to destroy. Except this time.
That’s not to say that they weren’t there, they certainly kept the party hearty, but there sure were a lot of green and blue jerseys burning and smashing as well.
I’m not saying that Jim Chu shouldn’t have blamed the anarchists. I’m just saying that, while he was at it, he should have also called a press conference to publicly place the blame on the real culprits … the Lonely Island!
The Lonely Island, the California comedy troupe known for their Digital Shorts on SNL, are the real instigators of this dark incident. In fact, they were so clever in their plotting that they actually planted the seeds of insurrection a full four years before the Canucks made it to the Stanley Cup Finals.
Allow me to enlighten you. A few nights ago the lady friend and I were in the mood for some Samberg, and decide to go with Hot Rod, the first feature by the boys in the Lonely Island. And while odd, silly, and often forgotten – it sure has its moments. In particular, a ridiculous scene where the hero’s stereotypical march to glory abruptly turns into a full-scale riot.
Skip ahead to about 1:30 to see what I’m talking about:
I can’t be alone in noticing how eerily similar this scene is to the photos and videos that emerged from downtown Vancouver on June 15th. Window smashing, looting, overturned cars, cars ignited, riot police getting baton happy, and even a couple making out in the middle of all the madness … It’s almost too similar.
And here’s the kicker – that scene was filmed in the Vancouver suburb of Surrey, one of the towns that Chief Chu blamed for the influx of troublemakers. If what we were told should be considered correct, why aren’t we placing the blame on Andy Samberg and his cronies?
Surely the people of Surrey were present to witness and participate in the filming of the scene. And what you may consider a “staged” event that took place a half-decade before the real life incident, I’ll use Jim Chu logic to call: “pre-incident indoctrination by Hollywood thugs with the sole agenda of turning the suburbs of Vancouver into riot sleeper cells”
It’s high time someone brought those so-called comedians to justice. Join me, and the VPD, in illogically placing the blame on someone else! Or, prepare for more potential incidents of terror within our borders. We do breed a lot of comedians, after all.
The choice is yours.