Moncton

There are certain locations on this planet that are so ridiculous they make you laugh whenever you think about them. One of my personal favorites is a high school in Moncton, New Brunswick. By itself this is not very impressive, but when you consider that right across the street from this particular high school sits a gentlemen’s club of the greasiest order, things become a little more interesting. No, I do not lie; deep in the heart of the Maritimes there is a strip club directly opposite a local high school.

This alone is merely an odd coincidence and, truthfully, not that out of place in Eastern Canada. My favorite part about this particular situation is that the high school has minimal parking space. So, before and after class, the student pick-up and drop-off zones are in the strip club parking lot. You would not believe how bizarre it looks in the mornings – Kids saying goodbye to their parents in the shadow of a sign full of large nude silhouettes. You couldn’t make this up.

I spent a summer semester in Moncton and, while I was there, heard rumour about a kid who was enrolled at the school while his mom was working at the club across the street. How damaging must that have been to the poor bastard? Moncton is not that big a place, so it’s a good bet that most of the staff and students knew she was working there. Though, tough as it must have been on him, I bet it was great for his academic discipline.

To wit, if you were a high school student whose mom worked the day shift at the strip club across the street, I guarantee that you would be one of the best behaved students in the school. I bet that kid went to every class, did all of his homework, and never once talked back. Why? Because if you knew that whenever you acted up and made things difficult for your teachers, they could simply stroll across the street during their lunch breaks and get your mom’s bits and pieces waved in front of their faces, you’d be a good kid too. In fact, if mother stripper were truly a responsible parent, she would mention her job and working hours to the teachers during parent-teacher interviews, and then inform her son that she’d done so. This way, everybody is aware of what’s at stake.

I mean, sure, your kid is probably going to become an emotional train wreck, damaged beyond all hope of repair for the rest of his life…but at least he’s going to college!

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